I've done some things that at the time were absolutely necessary.  It's not always easy to do what needs to be done.  Especially when you don't want to do it. 

A while back I had a friend.  He was a very close friend.  I loved him..but he made it clear that he didn't look at me that way.  I accepted because honestly in the end I wanted him to be happy.  And if he couldn't be happy with me well...okay. 

So I stayed the friend.  I was just glad that he was apart of my life.  You know?  Well, what I didn't mention was this friend of mine wanted to be married.  No, I mean he really was looking for a wife.  However, nothing ever worked out.  Ever.

And I was glad.  Not because I was selfish and I wanted to keep him for myself.  Not, nothing like that at all.  It was because he had really, really bad taste in women.  I am not exaggerating.  He did.  Our mutal friends would come to me and complain about these women that he found.  They were just evil. 


Well, I found out why his relationships never worked out.  And it wasn't because he realized the pure evilness that attached itself to his side.  No, nothing that simple. 

The problem?

Me. 

Was I so blantantly obvious about my adoration? 

Apparently. 

One of his girlfriends actually banned him from seeing me.  Harsh?  Yes.  But understandable. In the end he broke up with that one.  Why? 

Yeah, that was kind of my fault.  After he had cut me off because of the evil wench's command they dated for quite a while.  Out of the blue he called me one day and asked me what I thought of her. 

After not hearing from him because of her--well, I told him.  I let him have it with both barrells.  And I don't regret it.   


He broke up with her.  That's how I found out I was the problem with his relationships.  He told me that they were all jealous of our relationship. 

Jealous?  Why?  We were only friends.  Yeah, well I'm just coming to understand that one but I'll get to  that a little later. 

Well this time I cut him off.  I stopped calling.  Stopped receiving calls.  I got a boyfriend.  I put all the distance between us that I could because honestly it just wasn't fair for me to hinder him the way I was.  After all, he was never going to see me. 

Funny that.  Cause he did. 

By then it was too late.  I had moved on.  I had carved him out of my heart.  I had let go. 

He accepted my decision just like I accepted his when he made it.  Eventually I heard that he started dating someone else.  Someone that I actually approved of.  Gasp!

He actually called me and asked for my approval.  I gave it.  He married her. 

Well, time passed as it usually does and it had been quite some time since I heard from him.   I didn't hear from him really.  I heard from him wife. 

What I didn't mention was that the end of our friendship greatly distressed me.  He was my best friend.  Apparently it was something that bothered him too.  Hence his wife's phone call inviting me and my sister over for dinner. 

Well, this is where I realized why his old girlfriends hated me.  You see my friend oftentimes had a hard time expressing himself.  I ALWAYS knew what he was trying to say so I finished his sentences for him.  Well, when I went over to his house he had the same problem--and he expected me to do what I had always done.  And I was suddenly uncomfortable.  I KNEW what he was trying to say but--what the heck?   And it was a number of other things that he did (or expected of me)  that made me realize why those women hated me.  Things that I normally overlooked now seemed inappropriate.  But he's determined to rebuild this friendship thing.  And I want to as well because the feelings are no longer there but he was still my friend.  And those--for me--are hard to come by.  Is this the right decision?  I dunno.  Only time will tell.